Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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