I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
