I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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