Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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