Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
