That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
