Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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