so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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