I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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