Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
