it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
