i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
True strength comes from lack of pants
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