She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
