I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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