the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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