..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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