I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
