I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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