the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
