Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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