Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
