So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
