ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
