I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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