I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
