We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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