Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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