As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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