How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
