they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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