you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
