I cockslap morals
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
