i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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