I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
