good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
