I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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