hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
