He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
