Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
