I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
