I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
