I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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