I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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