Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
