So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
