Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
