shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
