plz talk dirty to me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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