ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
