My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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